Warning: this may be a negative, complaining type post. If you do not want to bring your mood down, you may want to skip this.
When I get to complaining about how hard my life is right now, I get absolutely no sympathy. My husband tells me, “no one told you it would be easy.” It honestly is starting to wear me down. Today has been a frustrating day. Monday is just one thing. We have a snowstorm going on, so travel was white knuckle on my 20 mile commute home. Then at work, a 4 pm meeting. Honestly, there should never be a meeting at 4pm on a Monday.
I got home from work tonight and had enough energy to start cleaning house. Then I get overwhelmed and mad. My two teen boys are not great at helping with chores and it is our fault of course. I yelled so hard at one tonight, it felt like I pulled a muscle in my back. The other had so many dirty dishes in his room, it could probably fill the dishwasher. Honestly, I am mad when I am typing this, I feel like crying now. Don’t they realize I can’t do it all? Why should I demand they help me? Then again, when I complain I need help and can’t do it all, my husband says, “no one told you it would be easy.” SHUT UP!! It doesn’t help to say that and it certainly doesn’t clean the house.
I get in this pity party and then the demons start dancing– “what are you doing? You can’t do it, you made a mistake, what if this is a mistake?” I am sorry, I am just mad tonight. I am not getting enough time to work at the store. I am open one weekend a month. I am still working 40 hours a week at the clinic and trying to keep this big house clean. I am in negotiations at work to reduce my hours. I admit, that is likely the reason I am in such a foul mood…back to that 4pm meeting. My plans to cut down and be open every Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all up in the air and decisions are not being made. I won’t get into details… just to say I may not get what I was promised and I am highly disappointed.
What else don’t I have time to do? I haven’t touched the financials since I first bought Quickbooks. Nathan is asking me questions about some of the junk furniture I bought without looking closely and I can’t even make a decision about that.
I need a positive perspective. I have a lot of doubts right now of the reality of being able to carry on at this pace. I feel like I get no credit for how hard I have been working. Then I get certain family members that talk about other family members (think in-laws) about how hard so and so works, blah, blah, blah… what about me!?!?! Oh I feel my back going out on me again cuz I am gonna SCREAM.
Help. If anyone out there has any tips on how not to lose it, please share, because I’m gonna lose it soon. Most of the time, writing is a therapeutic outlet. Not this time. This was a very negative post. It was also a very realistic post. It isn’t easy. My husband saying it whenever I complain irritates me to no end now. I need someone to encourage me now so I keep going. It makes me sad that the people around me can’t see that.